I managed to get my hands on a copy of a heavily redacted document containing notes for what appears to be a revised Constitution for the Republic. The document seems to have been misplaced by a distracted civil servant on a bench in the Upper Barrakka Gardens.

The contents are destined to be ignored given the hot summer sun, the noise from the fireworks and the absence of a functioning prime minister around this time. For what it is worth I am sharing the rough notes as best I could glean from the illegible cursive script.

“Malta is a populist republic founded on networking; your fundamental rights depend on who you know. The land, shore and waters of Malta are reserved for exploitation by the highest networked bidder. The concept of public land is abolished.

The religion of Malta is officially the Roman Catholic Apostolic Religion except on weekends and feast days. During electoral periods and at times of heightened political tension, the official religion shall revert to the Duopolistic Bipartisan Church of PLPN.

The State recognizes the right of all citizens to feed off the public purse and shall promote the hierarchical pecking order that will make this right effective. The higher the networking, the better the bite.

The State shall commit to the full urbanization, cementification and uglification of the islands to better lubricate the networked machine and the economic circle upon which it depends. For that purpose, the destruction, sale and obliteration of public property is allowed until stock lasts. It shall be illegal to have more than one tree per square kilometre.

For the benefit of future generations, the State shall ensure that the social and environmental degradation reaches such levels that emigration is the only option. Future generations are kindly invited to leave the island as soon as this is possible.

Education is compulsory and free. Citizens have the right to opt out of standard education and into the hierarchy enabling system of unmeritocracy (refer to the “who you know” principle above). The position of “persons of trust” is reserved for the elite of the networked hierarchy.

Work, employment or “earning my daily bread” is a right afforded to every citizen so long as he or she is fully integrated in the networked hierarchy. No prior experience is required other than “Tajtek in-Number 1” and “Partitarju sal-Mewt” certification.

The acquisition, possession, renunciation, and loss of Maltese citizenship shall be regulated by law… with an emphasis on acquisition.

Citizens are protected from arbitrary arrest or detention. Furthermore, any citizen of sufficient networked qualification shall enjoy additional immunity from investigation, arrest, charge, or imprisonment. The prosecutor, police and other relevant institutions shall ensure that this immunity is guaranteed either through inaction or clumsy and mistaken disapplication of the law.

No person shall be required to perform forced labour unless such forced labour is disguised as dream job in the Maltese islands working for exploiters of the networked system in industries such as construction or food delivery. Similarly, no person shall be subjected to inhuman and degrading treatment unless such treatment is necessary in the line of performance of the disguised forced labour.

Citizens have the right to enjoy their property without encroachment, this is without prejudice to the uglification principles mentioned above.

No person shall be hindered in the enjoyment of his freedom of expression. Opinions are held freely without prejudice to the right of the State to relegate holders of adverse opinions to its own to the lower echelons of the hierarchy of networked preference. You are free to say what you like and the State is free to draw the conclusions accordingly.

Similarly, you have a right to request information from all State entities, particularly on the use of public funds. That right is however limited to the request and the State can do its utmost to prevent the publication or provision of any such requested information particularly if it goes against the interests of the networked hierarchy.

Citizens may move freely around the territories of the Republic and may freely assemble for whatever reason. This does not however prejudice the right of the networked hierarchy to enjoy their just desserts in peace and quiet without any disturbance or protest. It is the duty of the police force to ensure that protesting citizens claiming whatever rights do not unduly disturb the enjoyment of the hierarchical elite and the continued generation of profits off the public purse and land.

There shall be a President of Malta who will assent to laws enacted by the legislature except for such cases where the President disagrees with the content, in which case the President will go on a paid vacation and will be temporarily replaced by an equally ingratiating Deputy who is prepared to sign the problematic law.

There shall be a government and opposition that will alternate in the management of the public fund for the greater glory of the networked elite. The parties in government and opposition shall go through the motions of having a political program while internally functioning as ladders up the networked gravy train feeding off public funds. The parties in government and opposition are exempt from taxation, utility bills, accountability, and any responsibility whatsoever.”

The real question is: Do we need to amend the Constitution, or has it been watered down already as it is? Le roi est mort, vive le roi!