Malta’s ‘Sausage Ambassador’ tells us to mark our calendar for national sausage day

Malta has a ‘Sausage Ambassador’. Who knew?

Enter Valentina Rossi: media personality, influencer, and now the nation’s ‘official envoy’ for meat in tube form. Not health, not education, not climate change, not rampant development. No, it’s sausages.

Apparently, the Ministry of Something We Just Made Up decided that what Malta truly needed was diplomatic representation for processed pork because, clearly, someone, somewhere, was plotting a wurstel invasion.

Presumably, the ‘Sausage Ambassador’s duties include promoting local meat products, attending sausage festivals (yes, those are real), and defending the honour of Maltese sausage on the international stage — because clearly, that was under threat.

There’s even a Maltese Sausage Day coming up soon – “30 July, mark your calendar, ” she said.

Rossi’s appointment is being spun as a “celebration of Maltese culinary tradition,” which is political code for “we wanted a photo op and she has a good Instagram following.”

Gone are the days when ambassadors had to understand geopolitics. Now, a decent TikTok reel featuring sausages being grilled qualifies you for the title.

And let’s not pretend this is an isolated case. Malta has been slowly creeping toward parody status for years — giving influencers quasi-political titles, handing out medals like party favours. It’s literally a meat feast.

But credit where it’s due: This is peak postmodern governance. It’s the kind of energy you get when PR drives policy and culture becomes content.

So what’s next? Minister for Muffins? Undersecretary for Instagram Aesthetics? Official Diplomatic Attaché for Pastizzi?

Honestly, at this rate, nothing would be surprising. Malta has finally embraced its fate as the Mediterranean’s weird sitcom.

Bon appétit.